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Things I’ve wanted to say to you but can’t. 

I’ve toyed with the idea of posting about this for a while, since it happened really… which was not far off a year ago (I think). And it was only upon reading Goodbye Negativity  that made me sit and think about it all again. I was too bitter and upset at what happened to really think things through and see your side, although I was pretty defensive when I commented on the post I have to thank her because I can see (some what) the other side of it all.

We became friends in 2004/5 over something ridiculous and instantly hit it off, it’s a friendship I will always treasure. It helped me grow a lot as a person at the best times but it’s also a friendship that if I look deep into, like, really deep into wasn’t great from the start but that’s not how I want to remember it. I want to see it at its best (wow, how positive of me) 

 
A friendship that was pretty much like being your own best friend. 
You went to uni not long after I met MM and we were in different stages of our lives. You had your new friends and boyfriend and moved away. I tried to stay friends, I really did, you would come to London and I would try to see you and you always had something else come up. (or you would visit the place that I lived and just never wanted to meet up) I was nervous about coming to your uni, staying and meeting your new uni friends so I never did. We drifted apart (we have different reasons why) 

 
When you moved back home and we started speaking again, it felt like nothing had changed and we just went back to normal, but things had changed.

 We had  changed.

I think we never really learnt to be friends with the new us, we just tried to be the same teenagers we once were and after a few years of bits and bobs of a friendship, I got pregnant. I was so excited that you were there to share it with me, I tried to meet you to make a big deal of telling you but you kept being too busy (life gets in the way I get it) and I just ended up texting you about her. 

 
I thought you would be part of her life, I thought she would grow up calling you Auntie.

 
You needed to make changes and you needed to take out the negative influences which I was one of and that meant not being there for her (which hurts the most) I can see why you did what you did, we still treated each other like the kids we were. I would take the mick and be sarcastic with you the same way we both would when we were 17 but you’d changed and didn’t take it the same as you did when we were younger. 

I said that I can see your side to an extent and that’s the extent, I was wrong to joke with you like that (it’s always been my defense and I didn’t realise you had stopped seeing it as the thing we both did) but I still see a friend as someone you can offload feelings onto, the same way that I heard about all of your worries for all of those years and tried to be there just to listen and help when I could. 
I hope you have a good life, sincerely. 

When I look back at my life you are in and the reason for so many great memories and I’ll never forget that but that’s all you now are, the past. 

 
Have you ever had a friendship that you feel was one sided? 

 
Have you been told you’re too negative to be friends with or are you the person that got rid of a negative friend? 

 
I’d love to hear what you think about getting rid of negative people/friends and whether you think it’s just part of friendship (having a moan to each other) or being dragged down by their negativity?

  

I’d like to add the yeah, I would consider myself pretty negative in the way I think and im working on that but I will always think that a true friend shouldn’t see you as a negative part of their life and if they can will any of their friends be safe? 

 
Until the next post, 

Are and Pops. 

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4 thoughts on “Things I’ve wanted to say to you but can’t. 

  1. I think its rare when you find people who you can be really truthful with, without it effecting your relationship. I feel everyone constantly needs to work on themselves & how will they know this unless you tell them but unfortunately, people don’t like hearing it.

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  2. This has really struck a cord with me. I have a friendship like this. We used to be so close but then she moved away and is living a high paid social London life whereas I am a mother of two who works part time and can’t afford to get out much. we are so different now and it’s sad but I still love her to bits and hope that one day we can rekindle our friendship properly

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